I’ll Never Miss Another Summer

When I decided to have ileostomy surgery for Crohn’s colitis, I remember thinking, I cannot miss another summer. Often I was more sick in the winter months, and I would think about how much better I would be in the summer, but when summer came I wasn’t really that much better. It was all relative. Too often, I couldn’t go swimming or on the hike I’d planned, or join others in a birdwatching adventure. We would go camping, but it was always difficult to manage the bathrooming, especially at night. And I was always afraid when we went on a hike that I would just get too exhausted to make it back. Other times the trips had to be cancelled, always a major disappointment.

There’s nothing worse than being at home, inside, in bed, on a hot summer day. You’re still in whatever you slept in, your hair is wild, you’re pale and skinny and you’re wondering what, if anything, you might be able to eat that day. And outside, you hear the sound of children playing, and cars zipping by on their way to do something fun, and you swear you can smell the chlorine of some pool, and the freshly mown grass. You hear the birds singing. Inside it is dark. It’s another throw-away day.

Today is a beautiful Sunday. The sky is Colorado blue. The trees are plush with new leaves. Birds are singing. It’s supposed to be in the mid-eightees, one of the warmest days so far this year. I slept in, all the way until 8 AM. I’m dressed and ready for the day. I’m going to go to the coffee shop and work on my novel, then pick up some ingredients for lemon-lime bars and go home and bake them. I’ll probably turn on my iPod and sing as loud as I can. All of the windows will be open, and the cats will be begging me to take them outside, and eventually I’ll give in and we’ll go outside together and feel the grass in our bare toes. I’ll do kung fu while they monitor the bunny rabbits. This afternoon, around four, we’ll go to some friends’ house for a campfire in their backyard, and we’ll eat, drink, and be merry as the sun sets and the stars come out.

It’s not even technically summer yet, but already I can feel it. And this time, I know that I will enjoy it. Every minute of it.